A friend recently asked me what my challenges are on this journey. I have to say one of the biggest challenges is not falling into the same trap again. Thinking, “I’ll have to settle down again someday and get back to reality.” That reality is the one I just left so why would I want to go back? I don’t want to go back to the way of being that made me live for vacations and weekends, just getting through the week, with some enjoyable moments, but mostly focusing on some future moment rather than living in the present. I get asked a lot – “What do you do?”, the asker’s eyes look down immediately when I say I’m living in my RV. It seems the automatic assumption is that I’m a victim of the recession. When I explain I did this all by choice, then I get a look of bewilderment, or a far off look and the statement, “Good for you!”
What really matters to me isn’t what others are thinking, but what I’m thinking. Well the world around us is a reflection of our inner world, so obviously I have the voices in my head asking the same question and having the same reactions. Again, it’s conditioned thinking – I must have some sort of plan to make money again…how long can I make it without working…what will my next career look like??? It’s all of the conditioned fear talking. When I get myself centered again, I remember the feeling, the knowing, that life is about joy, and my life is being driven and guided by that joy. There’s hiccups along the way, like getting used to being without Josie and old fears seeping in, but the strongest part of me knows there’s no going back.
We do create our own realities in more ways than most of us realize. Our thoughts and beliefs impact everything and everyone around us; we attract like energies, so if I want to allow my fear to take over, I’ll be met with more fear mongers. If I allow joy and fearlessness to continue to guide me, that’s what I will find in my life. Seems like an easy choice!
In addition to the challenges of fear-based thinking, part of my challenge is not really knowing what I want from the external world. We live in an infinite universe and know so little. If I try to create a new life based on what I know, I’m already limiting myself. If I try to identify a new career based on known choices, boy, I’m really holding myself back. What I’m really trying to do is focus on the feeling I want. The feeling of happiness when things unfold as they should, without a plan, being awed by nature and all of its creatures, just being centered within myself and knowing my happiness is positively impacting everyone and everything around me. I guess the true challenge is really being in this state!
This coming Monday I start school in Santa Fe. I get to room with two other Kathy’s in a great house we rented. We are all excited about this adventure, knowing that we will come out of it changed people. I’m looking forward to learning some new tools to help heal my own limiting beliefs about this life. Once I’ve experienced it, I can then move on to help others who are seeking to live life more authentically, driven by joy.